I remember hearing/reading that to be in a relationship it means giving more of yourself than you ask for in return. I took this to heart, I put the other person before myself, but did they do the same? Not usually. Homework came before me every single time.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, trying to get over Brian. I realized that even though I was the one that ended it, he ended it the day he moved across the state. He was saying, I'm more important than you so I'm moving and if you want to still be with me you'll eventually have to move too. But I never got asked if this was a place I could live, would I ever move that far away. I remember one day before he took the job saying to myself 'If he gets the job offer I guess we're not meant to be.' and look how things have turned out.
I was listening to some music on the way to the airport the other morning and one lyric stuck out, 'you'll only miss the man you wanted him to be.' How true! I think about getting back together but then I think about all the roadblocks we would hit and how I would be the one giving in the most, that's the way it's been. I don't want to not be happy. I think back to a converstiaon we had about weddings. I told him in the perfect world my wedding would be a cash bar, I don't want to pay for it, I don't drink it and my family has a tendancay to go overboard and still drive. He said his family shouldn't be punished, that it had to be a open bar. I then came back with just wine and beer, no hard liquor, that still wasn't good enough. Did my feelings matter at all?
I know there is the guy out there that will understand where I'm coming from and be willing to compromise and make things work for both of us. I know I was selfish a lot towards the end, but if you're getting it from them aren't you going to say, "well he does whatever he wants without thinking of me so I'm going to do the same." That's not the way things should be.
I'm still getting there, I'm not perfect yet, nor do I strive to be, but spending time thinking abuot my past relationship will help me in my next one.