Thursday, August 18, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
First just to get everyone on the same page, I'm getting my Masters in Secondary Education. My Bachelors was in Mechanical Engineering. Yes, I know they're nothing a like. My plan is to teach high school physics, but it looks like I'll be able to teach math as well.
Anyway, I found a program through Oakland University that is for people that got their Bachelors in something other than education and are in the workplace. All classes are at night and on the weekend. I applied in April but I had to take a couple tests to get in completely.
The tests were a basic skills, which was so easy it was laughable, and then subject area tests. Now crazy me took all 3 tests on the same day so that was like 8 hours of tests. I figured I've done 3 finals on the same day, and improved my grade in all 3 classes, so I should be able to handle this. The basic skills was in the morning, math, reading and writing. I got done in an hour and a half, we were given 4.5 hours. Then I went back in the afternoon for Math and Physics. The math was ok, I felt good enough that I passed it. The physics was anohter story, it was horrible, not at all what I expected and knew I failed it.
So a few weeks later I get a conditional acceptance from OU saying that as long as I passed all the tests I was good to start in the Fall.
I went to orientation, got all nervous and excited, and then I got my test scores. Like I already knew, I dind't pass the physics part. I was worried that my plan asn't going to work out. I knew I had to dedicate 3 years to this program, could I dedicate 4?
I took my scores in last week and the secretary said someone would call me to discuss my options. I got the call yesterday. They've agreed to let me start in the Fall and rewrite my conditional acceptance agreement. I have to retake the test in October and better pass it then.
A load has been lifted, it feels great to finally know what's going on. Remember those signs I talked about, this is one letting me know I really am doing the right thing.
Now it's time to reteach myself physics and get registered to start class on August 31st!
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
This quote was sent to me today through Real Simple's Daily Thought. It so sums up everything I think.
I don't like the direction some aspects of my life is taking right now. But I sit around and go wtih the flow. This has been wearing on me for a long time, I think my job is a huge part of my problem.
I've been thinking a lot about Brian and I and if I gave up too easily, could it have worked? The real question I've been asking recenlty is, "Do I want it to work?" And the fact that I have no answer almost tells me it's not meant to be.
I'm a firm believer in signs. I feel signs are all around, there are just some we choose to notice and others we don't. It's the signs we notice that are sometimes hard to figure out, what exactly are they telling us. But then I do tend to overanalyze.
I'm trying to take each day as just that, to enjoy it and live it and then remember it, but not stop living. Definatly no easy task!
I ran across this quote in a book by Nora Roberts today....
"Does being happy alone mean you don't think you could be happy with someone?"
Unease and hope ran parallel inside her. "I guess it means I can be happy as things stand, until I find someone who not only brings me the magic, but understands it."
Did this post make any sense or was it just a bunch of random thoughts strung together?
Monday, August 15, 2005
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Of course I was glowing and floating at this time. We didn’t have to rush once we got in there, my drebel made it through the check with no problems. So we get to our seats and they’re fabulous. The people next to us show up and they ahd the same thing happen and they were very nice people.
The show started with music from the 50’s. I have to tell you, I could listen to Clay singing the worst song in the world because he wild make it heavenly. He sang ‘Unchained Melody’, a song I don’t really like, and it brought tears to my eyes. He sang Elvis and did the little hip shake, I was as crazy as the girls were when Elvis was alive, he sent my heat a flutter. When he sang ‘I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You’ I felt that he was singing it to me, because I just couldn’t help falling even more in love with Clay in that moment. Then we moved on to the 60s and my favorite Clay song, 'Solitaire'. How can you not feel the emotion?? He did Motown but I honestly can’t remember most of the stuff he sang all I remember was it was perfect.
There was an intermission between the 60’s and 70’s. Now during AI this season when Anthony wore white pants I said no male should ever wear white pants. Well I need to modify that now, Clay can wear whit pants, boy can he ever. During the 70’s we got ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ just as magical as when he sang it on AI. The 80’s were fun, then we moved onto the 90’s. I felt I was showing my age. My friend and I screamed when they sang Boyz 2 Men but all the older women just sat there. But even better, he sang ‘Livin’ LaVida Loca.’ Yes, he sang Ricky Martin, he had me going crazy.
I told my friend a few times during the show, if only Clay would meet me, he would fall in love with me. He’s able to make fun of himself, mostly his dancing. He shared the stage with his back up singers, allowing them to sing full songs. And best of all he sang for over 2 hours!
Thursday, August 11, 2005
We were up frist and scored a run, by the end of the first we were down 2-1. I need to point out in the rules for today all the guys had to bat their weak hand to make things go faster. Well the other team didn't follow these rules so they were hitting them pretty far into the outfield. We didn't know until they went through their line-up for the second time, but by then it was too late.
My first at bat I got tagged out at first, the second I walked. I scored one of our 2 runs in the game. I had fun though and that's all that matter.
Of courseI couldn't make it without a little injury. There was a fly ball comign at me and it hit my right hand in the pad area so my hand is a little sore toinght, at least it wasn't more serious.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
These pictures are from when I was in DC and got to see all 75 statues in Federal Triangle. I went twice because it was such an awesome thing to see. I have pictures of every Mickey too, pictures that will eventually end up on a LO.
My real love for everythign Disney came about 4 years ago. I learned more about Walt Disney and his business philoshpy and just his story. It's amazing really, someone I look up to, minus the whole smoking thing.
Isn't it crazy to think if it wasn't for Mickey Mouse we might not have Disneyworld. Or worse he would have stuck with the name Mortimer Mouse. :O
A coupel weeks ago I watched Steamboat Willie for the first time and was amazed. By today's standards it's horrible but thinking about everything that was tried with that short cartoon and what it turned into, it's truely amazing.
"I only hope that we never lose sight of one thing - that it was all started by a mouse." Walt Disney
Monday, August 08, 2005
I hate it.
I idon’t swear. I was always afraid of getting in trouble so I dind’t even say the work ‘suck’ in front of my parents for the longest time. I felt like saying ‘crap’ was swearing. I never really understood the need to swear.
Now my generation has got the f-word down pat. It seems like it’s an adjective for any and everything. It’s like it’s become a normal word, it’s not bad anymore. I say ‘fudge’ instead. Doesn’t that word sound nicer? It gives me happy thoughts where as the other word makes me cringe.
Do people think it makes them look cool to say it? I love watching Sex and the City on TBS because all the very graphic stuff plus the swearing are cut out. I’m a good girl at heart and don’t like seeing or hearing that stuff. But when shows like The Sopranos and Six Feet Under are popular of course those words are coming out more. Is it so bad that I like normal words, words that won’t get my mouth washed out with soap??
Here’s my confession. I started swearing more in the past couple years, but I always felt guility. I thought I needed to for some reason. But I’m happier now that I’ve cut it out of my vocabulary. It’s not who I am. Plus I don't want the kids I hope to have one day thinking these words are ok to say, it's easier to curb the habit now.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Friday I left work and came home to take care of the little devil, aka our puppy. I was supposed to go to a movie with Melissa but the devil had other plans. While outside she decided to get stung by a wasp. I didn't notice right away but her eye was swollen so I called a vet and they said to bring her in right away. Of course everyone thought she was such a cutie and a sweetheart, they don't live with her. :) She's fine now, the sting barley bothered her, I wouldn't have even known if it wasn't for the eye. So instead of a movie I spent the night orangizing scrap albums and printing picutures.
Saturday I got up and got ready to head to the crop. The Scrapbook Zone was a nice store, not nice enough to make the drive jsut for the store, but one that I would make a point of going into if I was in the area. I meet some great people, was in awe of a couple others. I've decided to give 8.5x11 a try, after seeing some of the pages I figured, why not. I was a little shy, but I didn't know everyone as well so I just sat there and cropped. I got some pages done I love, others I dont' but except for a little journaling, the Hawaii album is done!
Today I did some shopping. I'm happy with myself. I walked out of many stores with nothing. I asked myself that question, "Do I really need this?" Although I've been to the mall the past 2 weekends and both times I walked out with nothing. I tried some stuff on but didn't love any of it. I came home and the little devil decided to be a bigger devil. She went runnign through the woods. I went further into them than I ever have to try to find her. Just as I was changing so I could properly search, she showed back up. She's not my favorite dog today.
Good stuff....more tomoatoes off our plants, they're growing like crazy things and they're so yummy. It's a short week at work, really only have to work Monday and Tuesday. Did some thinking although I'm no where clsoe to an answer.
And the best news....I BOOKED MY HOTEL FOR CHICAGO!!!!!
Friday, August 05, 2005
~ Location: in my cubical at work
~ Zodiac Sign: the archer
~ Age: 22
~ Shoe Size: 9.5
~ Height: 5'7
~ Pets: Little Miss Crazy…aka Nani
~ Siblings: none
~ Eye color: brown
~ Hair color: brown
~ Nicknames: ozzie, noodle, manda, manders
~ What languages do you speak? english
~ Do you play sports? I’ll try anything
~ Where were you born? Mt. Clemens, MI
~ Are you a night or a morning person? Morning person
~ Are you ticklish? yep
~ Do you believe in God? I believe in a god
~ What do you want to be when you grow up? HAPPY
~ What was the worst day of your life? Do I have to pick just one?
~ What is your most embarrassing story? I scored a basket for the other team in my first ever basketball game
~ What has been the best day of your life? Can’t think of anything
~ What comes first in your life? FAMILY
~ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? No bf, don’t know about the crush thing, it’s a little compliticated
~ What are you most scared of? Never being truly happy
~ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? What I’m going to wear the next day
~ Movie: Gone With The Wing
~ Song: Bless the Broken Road by Rascall Flatts, Inside your Heaven by Bo Bice, and You and Me by Lifehouse is slowly climbling
~ Band/Group: at the moment Rascal Flatts
~ Store: any store with Scrapbook supplies, Barnes and Noble, GAP and JCrew
~ Relative: mom and dad
~ Sport: basketball to play and hockey to watch
~ Vacation Spot: Disney World
~ Ice Cream Flavor: Thin Mint
~ Fruit: banana
~ Candy: anything chocolate
~ Car: Sebring
~ Class: Any class I had with Kim, we had so much fun in DS2
~ Holiday: Christmas
~ Day of the Week: my Friday’s off, so this only happens once every 2 weeks
~ Color: purple
~ Magazine: Creating Keepsakes
~*~*~*~>^^^^^^In the Past 24 Hours have You^^^^^^~*~*~*~
~ Had a serious talk? kinda
~ Hugged someone? Yes
~ Fought with a friend? no
~ Cried? no
~ Laughed? always
~ Made someone laugh? I think so
~ Bought something? food
~ Cut your hair? nope
~ Felt stupid? Always :P
~ Talked to someone you love? Yep
~ Missed someone? More than you know
~*~*~*~??????Have you Ever??????~*~*~*~
~ Eaten an entire box of oreos? Not in one sitting
~ Been dumped? It’s complicated
~ Had someone be unfaithful to you? no
~ Hiked a mountain? no
~ Stayed home on Saturday night, just because? That’s been happening a lot lately
~ Been in love? Yes
~ Seen the White House? Many times, now I just need to get in
~ Seen the Eiffel Tower? Not in person but someday soon I will
~ Tried smoking? no
~ Drank alcohol? Yep, but the thing is I’ll only drink something if it doesn’t taste like alcohol, which kinda defeats the purpose, so I tend to stick to the non-alcoholic variety
~ Smoked marijuana? No
~ Played monopoly? I loooooooovvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeee monopoly
~ Kissed someone? Yep
~ Jumped on a trampoline? Yea!!
~ Visited another country? Canada eh! And other’s too
~ Colored in a coloring book (and had fun)? Of course
~ Had a bubble bath? Not in a long time
~ Been on a plane? Definatly
~ Been on a boat? yep
~ Been on a train? Yes sir
~ Been in a car accident? kinda
~Ridden an elephant? Sorry to say, no
~ Made a web page? Yes!!! I love web design too bad I’m not very good at it
~ Played with Barbies? Allt he time when I was little
~ Stayed up all night? A couple times at conferences
~ Shoved stuff under your bed to make your room look clean? Of course
~ Broken a bone? My pinky finger and my middle right toe
~ Watched Jerry Springer? I usually surf right by it
~ Gotten in trouble for talking in class? Only once, ahh the memories….
~ Been in the hospital (not visiting)? Not overnight
~ Had stitches? In my mouth
~ Dumped someone and regretted it? Yes and no
~ Lied? yep
~ Been arrested? No, but that would be kinda fun (j/k)
~ Fallen asleep in class? Actually I haven’t
~ Meet a celebrity? Olympa Dukakis (sp?) was on my plane to Johnstown PA
~ Hated yourself? In a way
~ Been brokenhearted? Most definatly
~ Broken someones heart? probalby
~ Like to give hugs? Hugs are the best thing in the world
~ Like to walk in the rain? I haven’t done it in a really long time, but it’s fun
~ Sleep with or without clothes on? I always have cloths on when I sleep
~ Prefer black or blue pens? Blue, but then it has be be a certain kind, I’m very picky about my pens
~ Dress up on Halloween? Yep
~ Have a job? Yes I do, but I get to do things like this in my job
~ Like to travel? Love to travel is more like it
~ Like someone? I like almost everyone I meet
~ Do they know? I would think so
~ Sleep on your side, tummy, or back? Side, I don’t get much room with my dog hogging most of the bed
~ Think you're attractive? ummmmmm
~ Want to marry? yep
~ Who? Time will tell
~ Have a goldfish? When I was youger, which lead to many more fish
~ Ever have the falling dream? no
~ Have stuffed animals? I love them!!!
~ Go on vacation? Of course
~*~*~*~%%%%What do you think about%%%%~*~*~*~
~ Abortion: you need it for extreme cases
~ Bill Clinton: he was president, now he’s not
~ Smoking: yuck
~ Eating Disorders: they’re scary
~ Rap: could care less
~ Suicide: stupid
~ South Park: annoying
~ Summer: work
~ Tattoos: not for me
~ Piercings: again not for me
~ Make-up: fun soemtiems
~ Drinking: I can take it or leave it
~ Guys: what about them, they’re stupid most of the time
~ Girls: the best. :P.
~*~*~*~&&&&This or That&&&&~*~*~*~
~ Pierced nose or tongue? nose
~ Be serious or funny? Funny
~ Single or taken? There’s good things about both
~ Simple or Complicated? Simple
~ Law or anarchy? Law
~ MTV or VH1? MTV
~ 7th Heaven or Dawsons? 7th Heaven
~ Sugar or salt? Sugar is wonderful
~ Silver or gold? White Gold
~ Chocolate or flowers? Chocolate, but flowers are nice sometimes
~ Sunrise or sunset? Sunrise
~ M&Ms or Skittles? M & M
~ Rap or Rock? Rock
~ Stay up late or sleep in? sleep in
~ TV or radio? TV
~ Hot or cold? I don’t like being cold, but not too hot either
~ Tall members of the opposite sex or short? taller than me
~ Sun or moon? moon
~ Diamond or Ruby? Diamond
~ Left or Right? Right
~ 10 acquaintances or 1 bestfriend? 1 best friend is important
~ Vanilla or chocolate? chocolate
~ Kids or not? kids
~ Cat or dog? Dogs
~ Half empty or half full? It’s not engineered to it’s optimum efficiency ;)
~ Mustard or ketchup? Ketchup, I don’t like mustard
~ Newspaper or Magazine? Magazine
~ Spring or Fall? fall
~ Give or receive? give
~ Rain or snow? snow
~ Lace or satin? satin
~ Corduroy or plaid? corduroy
~ Sneakers or sandals? sandals
~ McDonalds or Burger King? Neither, watch Super Size Me and you’ll understand
~ Mexican or Italian food? Either, it depends on my mood
~ Lights on or off? Doesn’t matter
~ Duck tape or scotch tape? Well, duct tape can fix anything…can you tell I’m and engineer
~ House in the woods or the city? Woods!!!!!! I love my house :)
~ Pepsi or Coke? Water
~ Nike or Adidas? Whatever is cheapest
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
My post from this weekend went a little off the topic I originally wanted to discuss. I thank all of you for your comments, they have helped, I appreciate every one of them.
Just to catch everyone up to the present. I was dating Brian for a year and a half when I broke up with him at the end of April. Isn’t it funny how I can more easily tell you the day it ended than the day it started? Anyway, we actually talked through some stuff for a couple weeks seeing if there was a chance I rushed into a decision, but ultimately I was too afraid/selfish/stupid and it ended for good. It actually felt good for a little while, I was finally getting the much needed me time but then the reality of the thing set in and it’s been hard. I go through ups and downs, I can go for a week feeling good and then something happens and I get upset again, it’s the roller coaster of life.
Sunday, in an email from Brian, he said some very blunt things, but things that really made me thing. I’ve never been one to open up, to share my feelings, but what else is a relationship but a sharing of things. I took the easy way out, was too lazy to put in the real effort. For awhile I said people just didn’t understand what I was going through, they weren’t me. But I didn’t try to understand what others were going through. I keep saying if they were me, they’d understand. Those are just excuses, I realize that now. I was too set in my ways to change.
It’s funny how being too set in my ways to change ultimately made me change. My daily life has become an inspirtation for me to be a better person, to learn, to grow, to change. I want to wrong past mistakes now, if only that was possible. I want to show people I’ve changed and that I’m a better person.
I wonder if this is a journey I needed to take to realize life was good before I just didn’t realize it. I wasn’t ‘seeing’ life as it really was.
**edit** Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruelest words. ~Joyce Brothers
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
* My friend Melissa, who has been layed off for a month or more now, got the job she wanted at a hospital. I might even get to take her shopping, that's a major smile.
* Another friend of mine, Norma, got engaged over the weekend. I'm so happy for her, I just hope she remembers to invite her family.
* We have lots of tomatoes off our plants
* Starbucks with Kim Thrusday
* Got new goodies from Mary Kay yesterday, just need to remember to wear that stuff when I get ready at 5:30am
* Meeting awesome people from all over the country.
* Tonight was the last night of yoga
* I'm more confused than I've ever been, will this ever end
Monday, August 01, 2005
I fear being alone.
I fear being unhappy, but I think I also fear being happy.
I fear the unknown.
I fear change.
I fear not making a difference.
I fear not being missed.
I fear not meaning anything to anyone.
Discovering What You Want Through Experience
The road to knowing what you want is often paved with many moments of learning what you don't want. This holds true in all areas of life, from work to love. Knowing and accepting this can give us the courage to keep moving forward when we might otherwise paralyze ourselves with fear of making a wrong move.
All too often, we expect ourselves to know in advance what will or won't work. But this would be like accepting an invitation with a new dance partner only if we are sure, before dancing with them, that we will want to dance with them forever. We need to accept the invitation without knowing where it will lead us. When we accept the invitation, what we are committing to is exploration.
It helps to remember that choices and decisions are not permanent or final actions. They are just the first steps in an unfolding process of inquiry. Many people go to school for one thing and end up in a completely different career path. This does not mean that they made a mistake by studying English Literature and then becoming a nurse. One thing leads to another in ways we can't always foresee.
Try to remain open and curious all along the way, asking questions. How does this feel? How could it be better? What changes can be made to improve the situation? With each modification, you move closer to creating exactly what you want. But remember, sometimes we need to experience what we don't want to determine what we do want.