hmmmmm

My post from this weekend went a little off the topic I originally wanted to discuss. I thank all of you for your comments, they have helped, I appreciate every one of them.

Just to catch everyone up to the present. I was dating Brian for a year and a half when I broke up with him at the end of April. Isn’t it funny how I can more easily tell you the day it ended than the day it started? Anyway, we actually talked through some stuff for a couple weeks seeing if there was a chance I rushed into a decision, but ultimately I was too afraid/selfish/stupid and it ended for good. It actually felt good for a little while, I was finally getting the much needed me time but then the reality of the thing set in and it’s been hard. I go through ups and downs, I can go for a week feeling good and then something happens and I get upset again, it’s the roller coaster of life.

Sunday, in an email from Brian, he said some very blunt things, but things that really made me thing. I’ve never been one to open up, to share my feelings, but what else is a relationship but a sharing of things. I took the easy way out, was too lazy to put in the real effort. For awhile I said people just didn’t understand what I was going through, they weren’t me. But I didn’t try to understand what others were going through. I keep saying if they were me, they’d understand. Those are just excuses, I realize that now. I was too set in my ways to change.

It’s funny how being too set in my ways to change ultimately made me change. My daily life has become an inspirtation for me to be a better person, to learn, to grow, to change. I want to wrong past mistakes now, if only that was possible. I want to show people I’ve changed and that I’m a better person.

I wonder if this is a journey I needed to take to realize life was good before I just didn’t realize it. I wasn’t ‘seeing’ life as it really was.

**edit** Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the cruelest words. ~Joyce Brothers