I go through everyday like I'm happy, that I'm living it to it's fullest when the truth is I'm too scared to really live.
I'm in a job I don't enjoy, I'm still there because I can't make a decision.
I've never really had to make decesions. My career, school, job were all basically picked out for me. I went along with engineering because it sounded fine, I enjoy math so why not. I wanted to go to Michigan all my life but I ended up at Kettering becuase my parents thought it was the best school for me. (not that I regret it, I lvoed almost every second there) And even my job, my parents got me my first 2. Working at the day camp wasn't work, it was a joy everyday. Then I worked at a grocery store because my dad new the manager and didn't really enjoy going there, even once a week. Then JCI, it was the only offer I had so I took it. It wans't that bad minus never having work. Then along came my current job. My dad woke me up and told me to get in there, they were hiring, he did everything he could to make it work. And now he's doing everything he can to keep me there even though he knows how much I hate it.
I'm finally making a decision for myself and I've had no support. Everyone I talk to, almost, tells me I'm crazy, why did I go to school for engineering. I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE. In my heart I know that's what I want to do. The things I've enjoyed most in my life have been when I'm working with others and helping them or just having fun with the. Orientation was my favorite thing at school because I got to talk to Freshman, give them advice, be their support through camp. How do you think it makes me feel when I have everyone telling me I'm wrong? I end up like I am now sitting here crying.
I'm scared I'm going to fail and have everyone say 'I told you so.' I'm scared that I'll never figure life out. I'm scared that I threw soemthing away because I took the easy way out.
I heard some words today that I think I needed to hear I just have no idea how to fix what I've made of my life. I take the easy road because I don't have to show as much emotion or let people know who I really am.